The Blind, the Perverted, and the Bipolar
by yuyu4848
Summary: Random fic that my friend Angie asked for. Happy Late Birthday ANGIE! A normal day at the Akatsuki base...crap, Itachi's running into furniture again. Gay jokes, blind Itachi, and bipolar Tobi/Madara. Enjoy! Not meant to be serious at all
1. Chapter 1

Our favorite Akatsuki members, if you're me or my friends, laze around the large living room. Its a normal day, with dirty jokes, split personalities, and Itachi running into furniture.

"Tobi un, would you quit putting your fingers in my mouths?!" Deidara shouts.

Yes, Tobi has an obsession with Deidara's mouths. How weird. Then again, it is Tobi.

"But sempai, they like sucking on my fingers!" the bipolar freak replies.

There is an awkward silence in which Itachi breaks by running, yet again, into the coffee table.

"Who keeps moving it?!" he half shouts, breaking his emotionless facade.

Kisame snickers, enjoying his partner's breakdown. He had been the one to move it, all twenty seven times that Itachi has run into it.

Kakuzu sighs, annoyed because he has once again lost count of his money due to the idiots in the base.

"Kakuzu, I need some fucking money!" yells Hidan.

Kakuzu turns and glares at Hidan.

"For what?" he growls, before blinking and rolling his eyes.

Hidan spins, showing off his new black streaks.

"Oh, and I got a mani/pedi!" the immortal gushes.

Another awkward silence ensues, in which Madara breaks by saying,

"Another gay baby is born."

Before anyone can say, "Tobi is a crazy, bipolar guy," Naruto bursts through the door into the base.

Yet another silence is commenced, and Naruto stares at the Akatsuki with an 'oh crap' expression.

"Hehehe," he says nervously, "sorry about dropping in guys. It was an accident."

Deidara makes the mistake of sighing, and Naruto looks over to see Tobi's fingers in Deidara's mouths.

"Dude! What the heck are those?!" shrieks the hyperactive idiot.

Snorting, Deidara replies,

"What do they look like you idiot?"

Naruto points a shaking hand at him, before laughing.

"What do you do with them?" he grins, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Deidara blushes, yelling,

"NO! No way! Thats gross! Thats, like, considered gay!"

But Naruto is already running out yelling to the world that Deidara is gay and does inappropriate things with his mouths.

Madara clears his throat.

"Deidara,"

Deidara looks at him.

"You will go make me some ramen."

Deidara, under the influence of the sharingan, walks like a good little puppy to the kitchen.

Kisame begins sneaking around the base.

The jaws theme is playing loudly.

Stopping, Kisame glowers at the narrator.

"Shut the hell up! I am not a fish!"

_"But the jaws theme is used in a movie about shark attacks. Not fish,"_ replies the narrator.

Kisame ponders for a second, and nods.

"Fine, keep playing."

And off he goes, to prey on innocent men.

"HEY!"

Meanwhile, in the living room, Tobi who is now his weird crazy self, is distracting Kakuzu while Hidan steals his money.

"WHAT?!" Hearing the narrator, Kakuzu turns around to see Hidan running outside with his pile of glorious bills. A chase commences, and Kakuzu traps Hidan by a cliff.

"Give me the fucking money!" screams Kakuzu, throwing a complete hissy fit. A glare is sent towards the sky, where the narrator chuckles.

"No! If I can't have it, nobody can!" retorts Hidan, taking out a lighter and burning it.

"NOOO!"

Kakuzu drops to his knees, mourning the loss of his precious love.

Itachi rushes by, thinking that they are under attack, and falls off of the cliff.

"AH!" he screams.

Shocked silence follows, and Madara appears, a bowl of ramen in his hands.

"Stupid blind mongrel." he sneers.

Hidan drops to his knees, and sobs,

"No! The fine piece of man cannot be dead! Its a waste of beauty!"

Kakuzu sighs.

"Why am I stuck with gay people?"

Naruto runs up behind Deidara, who is looking over the cliff trying to see Itachi, and kicks him in the butt screaming,

"This is Sparta!"

Deidara plummets into the raging river below.

And that, my friends, is where we leave the gay Akatsuki members.

"HEY!"


	2. Note

Sorry guys! Just had to put something on the end of this to bring it further up the list!! :)

Lol well, check out some of my other stories I guess! They are pretty kool if I do say so myself.

**_Twilight stories:_**

He Saved Me-Their relationship would never be the same. She didn't care. *I stared hatefully at him. I had never done this before, but I had changed.* Bella and Edward break up over Bella's friendship with Jacob. Bella becomes friends with Cullen's. Strong anger.

Earthquake- Sequel to He Saved Me. Bella began to feel bad about what she had done to Edward. Until Alice and Edward did the unthinkable. Now, Jasper and Bella become close friends as their world is rocked by the aftershocks of the earthquake. Not a BelxJas

_**Naruto stories**_:

No More Pep- If you had the chance to change the future of the Naruto world, you would do it right? 3 girls wind up in the narutoverse and struggle to hold on to their friendship as the life of a ninja bears down on them. Love, humor, and eventually tragedy.

Akatsuki in my Kitchen- Random. Funny. Akatsuki appear in my kitchen. Cussing, glomping, anime tears. Lee and Gai obsess over kittens, my horse takes a bite outta Naruto. Giant snake, pedophile, and candy mountain! GUESS WHAT! ITS COMPLETE! BE on the lookout for...

Everlasting Darkness- Short love, angst story. Really sad, so if you don't like sad stuff, then you probably shouldn't read it. GaaxIno. I like it. Ino goes to Suna, yadda yadda. You can probably guess what happens from there. But you should still read it! :P

Forever Forgotten- Short poem. I found the first couple lines I wrote like a year ago and continued it, then turned it into a fanfic. Use your imagination for characters. *stand in the background, stand in the rain. It'll take awhile to ease this pain.*

The Blind, the Perverted, and the Bipolar- Random fic that my friend Angie asked for. Happy Late Birthday ANGIE! A normal day at the Akatsuki base...crap, Itachi's running into furniture again. Gay jokes, blind Itachi, and bipolar Tobi/Madara. Enjoy! Not meant to be serious at all.

_**Zelda story:**_

Of Plays and Love- Random story, with my famous OCs Nani and Ema. Link and another unnamed chick are actors in a theater, and Link is in love with Ema. Itachi and Tobi from Naruto make an appearance. Let the fun begin. Btw, this is totally pointless. As you can tell.


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